What should I do in London?

The following is taken from Bunny's Q and A from Slutever and is basically exactly what I plan on doing when I'm in London in June.

2. I’m going on vacation to London soon. What's fun to do there that I wouldnt find in an “Idiots Guide To London.” You know, off-the-beaten-path crazy shit.
Chris, 24, SF

London is a majestic shithole just brimming with big ass churches, museums and various other cool old buildings undermined by the consistent presence of hideous British people standing in front them, screaming the word “cunt” over and over again while publicly intoxicated on cider on any given weekday morning. It’s the best. But, for the young London tourist wanting to experience something a little more nuanced on their trip rather than the typical, forgettable fare offered by a random ferris wheel and a whatevs clock tower and ten thousand gift shops owned by a seemingly related group of Indian men committed to selling the hell out of the same set of Prince Wonkface wedding towels, here are some alternative suggestions...
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1. Have gay sex in a graveyard

The Stoke Newington Cemetary is ripe with married middle aged men looking to go down low with literally anything be-penised that may wander by. You can’t miss them, they spend all day sitting on benches, looking nervously around as if to say, Enter Me, and yet also I Will Kill You. Nothing says “London in the year 2011” like sexually repressed homo cruising in inappropriate venues in spite of the prevalent existence of things like the internet and several of the members of One Direction.

2. Count the number of people missing limbs on Walworth Road

Walworth Road, of Squallyoaks fame, is an excellent place to go people watching. While living there, I spent many an afternoon staring in awe at the quality of people (and shockingly low collective quantity of body parts I had until then always assumed were necessary to maintain for basic survival) sitting in front of Tesco on their motorized scooters. Listen carefully as they converse with each other in a secret, guttural language that one only achieves fluency in upon sustaining a blood alcohol level so high that to still be capable of opening one’s eyes as can they (well, sort of) suggests that they have essentially either discovered the secret of eternal life or are, conversely, actually already dead but their eyes are still open and their bodies are making death noises confused by the others as words for a very, very long time now.

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3. Become a model
Do you have a face and wear alright clothes? Then you should model! In London, literally everyone is a model. Like, even super fugly, short, fat people over the age of 30 with weird heads are models. I don’t know why more former ANTM contestants don’t come here, they’d be huge! All you have to do is be vaguely cool, and to be vaguely cool all you have to do is have a famous parent or be in a CBB (Crap British Band) or, even better, both. If that’s not you, don’t worry, just wear your best facial piercings and go to Brick Lane and wait there and exist for five to ten minutes and by the end of your stay in London you’ll be in a Burberry campaign for sure.