Showing posts with label Dear Diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dear Diary. Show all posts

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Bequest from the Poorhouse



From 1936 in a now defunct magazine entitled Titbits; The article refers to the time before WWI & reads;


'Many years before the war, an old tramp died in a Chicago workhouse. In a pocket of his tattered jacket this will was found which was read before the Chicago Bar Association and later probated. It became known as "The Bequest from the Poorhouse", and was also known as the most wonderful will in the world.


I give to the good fathers and mothers, in trust for their children, all good little words of praise and encouragement, all quaint pet names and endearments, and I charge said parents to use them justly but generously.


I give to the children, inclusively, but only for the time of their childhood, all and every flower in the field, and the blossoms of the woods, with the right to play among them freely, according to the custom of childhood, warning them at the same time against thistles and thorns. And I devise to children the banks of the brooks, and golden sands beneath the waters thereof, and the odours of the willows that dip therein, and the white clouds that float over the giant trees. And I leave the children the long, long days to be merry in, in a thousand ways, and the night and the train of the Milky Way to wonder at.


To lovers I devise their imaginary world, with whatever they may need, as the stars of the sky, the red roses by the wall, the bloom of the hawthorn, the sweet strains of music, and aught else they may desire to figure each other the lastingness and beauty of their love.


To young men I jointly bequeath all the boisterous inspiring sports of rivalry, and I give them the disdain of weakness, and undaunted confidence in their own strength.


And to those who are no longer children or youths or lovers I leave memory, that they may live the old days over again freely and fully without tithe or diminution.To the loved ones with snowy crowns I bequeath the happiness of old age, the love and gratitude of their children, until they fall asleep.'

Sunday, November 9, 2008

clair de la lune

drunken midnight black-light bowling is only fun when all those elements are involved.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

tl;dr

Sorry for the lack of updates and the failure to deliver on prt 2 of the boys guide to fashion.
I've been totally busy as of late, trying to pack and do final preparations for my trip, along with working, going to school and putting together this fundraiser show at big slick for the trip.
I honestly can't wait to get out of here and have everything fall away. I've been burning myself out and it's been apparent.
I totally had a breakdown yesterday which resulted in me throwing a piece of pizza in my brother's face, having a beat down, throwing various objects and me locking myself in the bathroom for hours uncontrollably sobbing and hyperventilating.
In my defense this was not unprovoked and was a culmination of conflicts that I have been having with my brothers for the past year or so.
However, in retrospect I guess I could have handled it differently, but then that's with a lot of things that I've done. I'd just like to say that my reaction was severely augmented by the fact that I have not had a good nights sleep in 2 weeks despite the fact that I have been up at 5:30am everyday to do the most mind-numbing menial task ever and come home completely exhausted from school, on top of trip preparations, the looming date of my driving test (which I must pass, or else lose my licence and have to start all over again) and this cloud of worry over the amount of money I have to come up with in order to participate on my trip. Donations have been hard to come by (sadly only a couple of people have stepped up to help out), and I'm worried about putting up the money myself because I still have tuition to pay for (and no, I don't have OSAP because I'm not eligible for it, apparently).
There have also been some family issues at play here which all add to my reaction.
However, do I regret it? No. Neither do I regret all the things that I said in the heat of the moment because I meant a lot of them. Could I have expressed them in a better manner, minus the yelling, screaming and colourful language? Yes, but then the point would not have been made as strongly as I needed it to come across. If anything I wish I wasn't hyperventilating so hard and that the message came out clearer.
Since then, my family has been treating me... delicately. It's been a day since the meltdown and everyone's been super nice and almost patronizing as if any little thing may trigger another incident which, in all honesty, is probably right.
I'm ready to leave. I'm over my house, my family, my "friends".
I don't think I'll come back. While in the process of packing for my trip, I've also been working on packing up my room. I don't feel at home here any more, and ever since highschool ended, I've always said that there's nothing holding me to this city. I'm ready for the metropolis of downtown Toronto, with which I already identify as my home.
Does this qualify as running away from problems and issues that should be resolved? Maybe, but I feel like, now, it's more needed than ever and may be considered more if an extended vacation.
I have 3 weeks left before I depart and I'm going to work as hard as I can to hold it together till then. Whether or not I'll be able to is a whole different story. Already my body is showing signs of the stress that I've been going through. My right arm is sore from vaccinations, I cannot lift my left arm very highas a result of repeated movements associated with work and carrying my laptop on my shoulder for the 2 hr commute from work to school as well as the 1 hr commute from school to home, there are blisters on my feet, and a large bruise on my leg that's created a visible lump on my shin.
I'm running pretty raw right now... another couple nights of no sleep along with more to do could tip me over the edge.
I hope not.
But I can't help but feel that I may be in need of a vacation before heading out on the extended version.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Dear diary #1

Dear Diary,
I went to bed last night completely stressed out and upset.
This morning I woke up angry.
I don't know if I can do this.
Where is my support?

Today on the subway I had an encounter with a cute boy.
An encounter that creepily lasted my entire journey from Bathurst to York, it involved the entirely movie-esque seeing cute boy get in elevator but it being too full for me to get on, seeing him sink out of sight and just thinking nothing of it.
Through some weird coincidence I walk by him at St. George and end up on the same subway car as him, climb up the stairs next to him, stand behind him in line for the bus to York, sit a seat away from him on the bus, walk next to him to the Student Centre, and despite my effort to get away from him (because it was making me feel really odd) and take a completely different route to buy food, he ends up at Wendy's which is right next to Jimmy the Greek where I was ordering salad and I bump into him eating his sandwich on my way to class.
We should be BFF by now.
This wasn't like a 15 minute thing. It was like over the course of an hour and a half

Diary, today is really fucking weird.
Should I craigslist him?
I am sitting in class and it smells like stank ass feet.

Stay classy, mc.