oh, hello.

one week of no blogging? no updates of any sort? pretty bad form, in my opinion.
school started last week, and i've been meaning to do a post on how it feels to be back (SO SCARY), my classes (SO INTERESTING), and my professors (one of which is SO STUDLY).
but i have been HORRENDOUSLY sick for the last couple of days. i am not exaggerating, i have never been this sick before. usually i take my illnesses like a man, plowing through them, drinking lots of water and tea, taking tylenol only when functionality becomes in peril, but saturday after being dropped off at home after an enjoyable day shopping downtown with rafay and paolo, i threw on some sweatpants and collapsed into a shivering heap next to my brother on the couch and fell asleep clutching a steaming mug of tea to my chest for warmth (i do not recommend you try this at home, disastrous consequences could have occurred had i not had a more responsible and sane family member next to me at the time). at some time i wandered up to bed, waking up several hours later with a fever, and feeling hungry but not really feeling like eating anything.
and so begins a cycle that has repeated itself over the last 2 days. i get hit with the chills and fever flashes alternatively. the fevers get so bad that i actually start sweating, and i'd actually just taken to laying on the couch and drifting in and out of sleep all day, taking hot/cold showers to regulate my body temperature, and eating what food i can manage.
yesterday i woke up with death voice and a sore throat that wouldn't allow me to eat. my dad brought me to the doctor's office where i had hoped to get some sort of relief in the form of pills or syrup, but NOTHING! she took a throat swab which i had to deliver to the lab myself, and told me to take tylenol every couple of hours. ARE YOU KIDDING, I AM PRETTY SURE I AM DYING. WHERE IS MY MEDICATION. she said my throat was a little red, ARE YOU SURE IT ISN'T BLEEDING?? augh. anyways, at least i made it to bed last night at a somewhat reasonable time. the past couple nights i'd been going to bed around 6 or 7pm causing 4am wake-ups because not only was i going to bed so early, but because i'd been sleeping on and off all day. on top of that, with my death voice, i managed to call in to work to see if someone could cover me for this morning's shift because i'm pretty sure 5am wake-ups are not conducive to the healing process, but someone had "plans they couldn't break". so this morning i woke my feverish ass up soaked in sweat (no joke, i looked like a had just got out of the shower, so gross.) walked to the bus stop at 6:30 just so i could open up the gym for those fanatical ladies out there who love their 7am workouts. my face is gross, my hair is gross, my voice is gross. but whatever.
i am still here now. it is 12:15 and i am starving. i haven't eaten anything in the last couple of days but rice porridge/congee (DISGUSTING) and i am craving a cheeseburger so badly. so much so that at 2:00 i am running across to mcdonalds and getting a double cheeseburger dressed like a mac and devouring it whether my stomach can handle it or not. sorry curves, but your weightloss dieting guide is LOST on me.
i'd also like to apologize if i've been somewhat unresponsive online or not picking up the phone the past couple of days, i've been pretty much catatonic irl so getting my mental faculties together to answer simple questions was way too difficult. SORRY.
so there is your scary/disgusting life update from me. i hope we can still be friends after you read this. i am marginally less disgusting when im healthy, so i hope we can work through this.

Major Turnoffs..

There was a discussion somewhere about the one thing that completely turns you off from a person - major dealbreakers in personality or otherwise - and someone answered with this:

"The first that comes to mind is complete apathy and a self-centered attitude. Just PLEASE be passionate about SOMETHING, and please let that something not be yourself. Have an open mind and an educated worldview."

And I honestly could not have put it into better words myself. For me this applies to everyone, including friends/aquaintances.
Having a passion makes you a more interesting person. But even better than being passionate is being educated and being able to see both sides to any argument - being able to understand that although your passion may be your passion, it may not be for others and not completely shutting them down or out because they don't agree with your all of your views. Anyone like that is worth talking to.

yeah..

wtf why is it that all of a sudden there are all these references to australia and australians everywhere?
and why does it bother me so much?



good question!

another (set of) good question(s):
Since im back in canada and no longer half-way around the world volunteering and speaking portuguese, will this blog go back to the way it was before i left?
full of wit and fashion and music news?
or will it continue to be somewhere you go to read about how much i hate my life?
will i post more outfit posts because now i actually have a wardrobe, and dont wear the same uniform of aa hoody, aa deep-v, and skinny jeans?

will i ever update my flickr?

does anyone even read this any more?

is the whole point of making posts tagging them?

i am really good at putting things off.
I AM GOING TO FAIL MY G TEST, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME.
my mother is so adept at zapping all my confidence, and making me feel inadequate.
how does she do it?

also, my room is a disaster and i'd post pictures of it but i think you'd all be really disgusted to know that this is how i live.
and i'm also in a really fucked up mood, so sorry if i don't respond to anyone's texts or anything.

tl;dr

Sorry for the lack of updates and the failure to deliver on prt 2 of the boys guide to fashion.
I've been totally busy as of late, trying to pack and do final preparations for my trip, along with working, going to school and putting together this fundraiser show at big slick for the trip.
I honestly can't wait to get out of here and have everything fall away. I've been burning myself out and it's been apparent.
I totally had a breakdown yesterday which resulted in me throwing a piece of pizza in my brother's face, having a beat down, throwing various objects and me locking myself in the bathroom for hours uncontrollably sobbing and hyperventilating.
In my defense this was not unprovoked and was a culmination of conflicts that I have been having with my brothers for the past year or so.
However, in retrospect I guess I could have handled it differently, but then that's with a lot of things that I've done. I'd just like to say that my reaction was severely augmented by the fact that I have not had a good nights sleep in 2 weeks despite the fact that I have been up at 5:30am everyday to do the most mind-numbing menial task ever and come home completely exhausted from school, on top of trip preparations, the looming date of my driving test (which I must pass, or else lose my licence and have to start all over again) and this cloud of worry over the amount of money I have to come up with in order to participate on my trip. Donations have been hard to come by (sadly only a couple of people have stepped up to help out), and I'm worried about putting up the money myself because I still have tuition to pay for (and no, I don't have OSAP because I'm not eligible for it, apparently).
There have also been some family issues at play here which all add to my reaction.
However, do I regret it? No. Neither do I regret all the things that I said in the heat of the moment because I meant a lot of them. Could I have expressed them in a better manner, minus the yelling, screaming and colourful language? Yes, but then the point would not have been made as strongly as I needed it to come across. If anything I wish I wasn't hyperventilating so hard and that the message came out clearer.
Since then, my family has been treating me... delicately. It's been a day since the meltdown and everyone's been super nice and almost patronizing as if any little thing may trigger another incident which, in all honesty, is probably right.
I'm ready to leave. I'm over my house, my family, my "friends".
I don't think I'll come back. While in the process of packing for my trip, I've also been working on packing up my room. I don't feel at home here any more, and ever since highschool ended, I've always said that there's nothing holding me to this city. I'm ready for the metropolis of downtown Toronto, with which I already identify as my home.
Does this qualify as running away from problems and issues that should be resolved? Maybe, but I feel like, now, it's more needed than ever and may be considered more if an extended vacation.
I have 3 weeks left before I depart and I'm going to work as hard as I can to hold it together till then. Whether or not I'll be able to is a whole different story. Already my body is showing signs of the stress that I've been going through. My right arm is sore from vaccinations, I cannot lift my left arm very highas a result of repeated movements associated with work and carrying my laptop on my shoulder for the 2 hr commute from work to school as well as the 1 hr commute from school to home, there are blisters on my feet, and a large bruise on my leg that's created a visible lump on my shin.
I'm running pretty raw right now... another couple nights of no sleep along with more to do could tip me over the edge.
I hope not.
But I can't help but feel that I may be in need of a vacation before heading out on the extended version.

M.I.A: no more music?

M.I.A is going to launch her own clothing line featuring leggings, bomber jackets and t-shirts, all featuring bright colours and bold print.
Not sure what to expect?
Just google image search her.

Collage [source]

Hopefully her leggings will be better than Lindsay Lohan's - although you can't really argue with the functionality of pockets and knee pads....

Also M.I.A. related, MTV has reported that she's looking to get out of the music industry and focus more on art.

So no more fly high like paper, get high like planes? This is sad!

There's no date or name set on the launch of her clothing line yet, but i guess if she doesn't make sweet music any more, you can at least dress like her... [source]

In other non-related news.. I hit up Value Village this morning (finally!) and was able to pick up the cutest flannel shirt, and an awesome blazer - both courtesy of the little boys section. I'm wearing them as cropped with 3/4 sleeves, and my mom tried her best to persuade me not to buy them because they're obviously too small, but i think theyre cute!

I also picked up a pretty old school camera with flash! for 5.99, so I went for a bike ride this afternoon with my brothers to this really weird sketchy bike trail in Streetsville to test it out. I'm not sure how well the pictures will turn out, the light metre doesn't work so I had to rely on the rule of sunny 16 and i'm just no good at estimating how many stops to go down and up according to light and shade variance. (if you can explain this, please help me!)

I also brought my polaroid, and got a couple shots with that. I'm on the 2nd box of my first pack, that means i only have 18 shots left! I'm seriously thinking about buying like 10 boxes off ebay for Brazil...

Anyways, I'll post pictures of the blazer and shirt soonish, and I'll scan the photos I took with the new (to me) camera as soon as I have them developed. There's also a post coming with all the polaroids I've shot this week (I'm working on a series.. it's still sort of in the works.) So stay tuned!

Robyn + The Kills

So this past week I went to see Robyn (yes, Robyn as in "Show Me Love" and "Do You Really Want Me" Robyn) and the Kills with Rafay.
I was not a big fan of Robyn, there was something about her breathing that put me off (yeah, I know), but upon arrival at the Phoenix and sitting through the horrible opening band (okay, like two songs, both of which sounded the same, and were kind of downers) Robyn came on, and put on one of the best shows I've seen in awhile.
I have been converted.
I believe in Robyn.
The music is really good too, if i can get over the breathing thing. Plus she's enlisted the help of The Knife, and I love The Knife.
Why are the Swedish so great?
In the world "Cool Olympics" I think the French and the Swedish are one to one.

The next night I went to see The Kills.
Another amazing show. They blew me away.
This is what rock is supposed to be like.
Jamie was a complete stud on guitar, and Allison is a total babe.
They have this manic energy on stage, and amazing chemistry.
It almost made me feel uncomfortable, watching them.
I would be worried, if I was Kate Moss. But then again, it's Kate Moss.
"if you were kate moss you would spend all day staring at how beautiful and amazing you are and thus not worrying" - Jessica

Robyn and The Kills are on heavy rotation right now, and will be for awhile.



(Okay, don't judge ATL being in the top 3. I went through their albums last night for the feelings of nostalgia it brought.)

I pretty much spent most of today youtubing The Kills videos.
So, here's a couple of videos and an interview that they did for east village radio.

Blog Whore

Okay, so since the fashionatyork blog is now defunct..
(or, I'm assuming, considering it's the end of the year, and the only people who still continued to post were me and daniel anyways..)
and my livejournal kind of sucks and is full of personal angst,
and i recently deleted my 3rd xanga account..
I'm starting over.
This time, on blogger, and I promise regular posting, with posts that are (somewhat) free of angst, and deal with fashion, culture, music, whatever.
And maybe an occasional picture post.
That being said, it's the middle of exam season, so this might get not started right away.
BUT I will get this up.
and it WILL be awesome.

edit:
also since sasha seems to laugh at the fact that I am starting a blog by myself ("!?"), I guess this is also a recruiting entry for anyone who can spell, and is interested in writing about stuff too.