craving a change in scenery.

This is characteristically Eggers' work.

I probably shouldn't be reading his books so much, and watching this movie is probably not a good idea, but I can't help it.

One more year. I can hang on for one more year, and then I can go.

edit:

TMI, but i went out last night. hung out with people i never in life wouldve thought id end up hanging out with. drank and smoked way too much, and this morning i woke up around 6am and barfed the most heinous barf i have ever barfed in life. just thinking about it makes me queasy, and its been 12+ hours since its happened.

I'm at work, slightly hung over and INCREDIBLY tired.
I had a dream about sam and this bespectacled american apparel hoody clad man who vaguely resembled my photography TA from last year. We were looking at art and discussing how different a certain painting looked from different perspectives.

It's such a fucking turn off when boys flirt badly. Or when they're completely obvious about it, yet feign subtlety.

This is incredibly fucked up. Because if I do this, I'd be doing exactly what I'm warning against. So what do I do? Turn it all off? Everything? Retreat?

Funny, the one time where things are working out the way I wanted them to, and the situation is almost perfect for what I've been telling myself I need... I stop thinking about myself (for once) and start to think of the implications for the other person involved.

My plans for the summer are also getting kind of complicated. I've been in contact with the Maple School in Indonesia, and although I haven't really heard anything confirming it yet, they seem to be interested in me going out there... but I kind of want to stay close to home this summer. But can I really in good conscience give up the opportunity to be paid to live in Indonesia for 3 months?
There's also the Equitas internship in Montreal that I've also interested in. I've fallen in love with Montreal, and interning with Equitas for a summer might lead to a full time position when I graduate. Parfait. Un raison pour demenager labas. One less thing I'll have to worry about when I do move out there when I'm done school.
This is all assuming that I get any of these positions. They might all not take me, and I will be stuck here trying to find another job for the summer.
Eh, life.

the wind

(image by janno hahn)

i feel a certain disconnect with things and people lately. certain conversations about certain subjects have become banal. a lot of the time i walk away from a conversation and wonder why i have wasted time on it. sometimes people complain about things that they really shouldn't complain about.

i guess this happens all the time. i guess this happened all before. the only thing is that i didn't realize how stupid, vapid and superficial the topics of conversation that some people pick can be. maybe i'm no good any more at pretending to care. maybe i learned to be more apathetic towards things that do not and should not matter.

i just want to sit in a sunny room with large windows and a nice view, drink tea and have conversations about things that really matter. things that deal with real life, things that have significant impacts on peoples' lives.

enough with this superficial, materialistic bullshit. stuff makes life complicated. it ties us down. it's only worth the sentimental value that we give it.

i am feeling so restless lately. i don't like it.

Que coisa de mierda.

I need to start scrapbooking my 6 month ordeal in foreign language territory.

But, I have yet to take out the bulging ziploc bag full of receipts, ticket stubs, beer bottle labels/caps, polaroids, feathers and newspaper clippings from my backpack that has been chilling in the same corner of my room as it has for the last month, where I dumped it when I first got home all those weeks ago.



On a related note, Ayman had kept pretty much every bottle cap from every bottle of beer we had ever opened the entire time we were in Manoel Viana, and when he took out this HUGE plastic bag FULL of caps for distribution when we were at Camp Boscoe, we all got hit with a face full of a... yeasty... smell when the bag was opened. I hope this does not happen to me.



ANYWAYS.

Here is the line up for Coachella - a music festival I will probably just have to resign myself to dreaming about going to ... unless someone amazing comes along and offers me a road trip and wristbands....

Seriously? Each day guarantees a dance party and a good time. If you're too lazy to read I WILL SUM IT UP FOR YOU.

Day 1: Girl Talk, Crystal Castles, the Presets, Los Campesinos!, Steve Aoki (and Leonard Cohen and Morrissey, not the dance party type, but legends in their own right.. and Paul McCartney, I guess)

Day 2: FLEET FOXES, Hercules and Love Affair, Surkin, Glass Candy, Billy Talent (just kidding)

Day 3: Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Lupe Fiasco, Peter Bjorn and John, PUBLIC ENEMY, ahhh Paolo Nutini (sorry), the Kills, Sebastien Tellier, Late of the Pier, Junior Boys

dream big.

a travel journalist.

upside(s):
- i will get paid to travel
- my travel will be paid for
- people will pay to hear about my opinion about things !!!
- i can learn things (about culture, languages, food etc)


downside(s):
- i will forever be writing about being off the beaten path, living in shacks and getting malaria.
- development rhetoric will always creep into my writing, and instead of telling you how amazing this 5 star hotel/resort/spa is, i'll probably end up telling you how it doesn't stimulate the economy and how this is the fault of capitalism and neoliberal economics, and that everyone around me are undeserving bourgeoisie
- everyone will know that i am a closet socialist/commie
- i have really bad grammar skills. i am QUEEN of comma splices - which, if you read my blog, you can probably attest to


but its sooooooo perfecttttt

we'll reach the hills by dawn

(an image taken from the bus on the way to Manoel Viana from Porto Alegre)

I just read an installment about the adventures of an aquaintance who hitch-hiked his way back to Ontario with a friend after going to visit a member of his Canada World Youth group in BC.

It definitely makes me excited for the reunion I'm going to have with my group in 3 months time.

But it also has me thinking. Why am I still here?

I'm young and I'm free.

I have a newly awakened spirit of adventure.

I don't have any responsibilities of any kind - no job, no school (though not by choice)

My family isn't the kind to hold me back, now...

What am I still doing here?

I might not have money... but I have a $50 credit with Via Rail to go as far as it can take me...

...should I do it?

Can I do it?

Will you come with me?